ImNoHelenThisIsNotTroy

This is old but relevant. Teaching has taught me that it is all true.

Wed, 23 Jul 2008 18:20:55 GMT

Racism - "a belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities" Merriam Webster, "a belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities " dictionary.com

Would these "traits and capacities" include things like dancing or speech.

Do the things you say affect other people, even if they do not immediately react, yes. So perhaps a comment made months ago is "over and done" but the intention and the resulting hurt are still there.

There is no difference between the racist that uses the "n" word and the racist that stereotypes people based on their race. There is no difference between a black or white racist. And both types do exist.

People make racist comments in front of others all the time, almost without even knowing they have made them. No one can change, no one can self-reflect unless someone tells them that they are wrong.

There are so many different kinds of racism...think about what you say when you say it, you may be offending someone because of your ignorance and ignorance is no excuse.

Excuses are for people who know they are wrong and want to continue to be wrong. Those are the kind of people NO ONE needs in their life.

* You can not hold an entire race responsible for one persons actions.

* You can not expect change without showing people the error in their ways.

* You can not deny who you are, you can only make yourself better.

Admit your faults and change. Admit your strengths and fly free.

Tis the season (For real!)

Mon, 24 Dec 2007 20:55:03 GMT

So I worked thursday, friday, a double on saturday and sunday (sunday I only made $30 wtf?)

I did the majority of my x-mas shopping sunday during my break and I still haven't wrapped anything.

Today I come in for my shift wearing adorable santa troll earrings. I'm in the damn spirit people and nothing can stop me.

So when my dick head general manager says, "You can't wear those, their dangling"
"That's dumb"
"You have an employee handbook, that's the rules"
"Well the rules are dumb"
"You know what Arielle? Go home."
"For real? Ok!"

Now in addition to letting me have some vacation time today he wrote me up and put me on a super scary, double secret "90 day probation" because "we don't want to employ you if you're going to have such an attitude and can't conform to CPK standards."

He doesn't know it yet but what I got him for christmas is my middle finger and a double ended black dildo that I already needed to slap the shit out of the bitch at david's bridal.

Currently I'm doing the christmas stuff I didn't have time to do because I had to work. I hope you all have a great holiday! Mine is finally starting to shape up :)

Heard at 2

Tue, 08 May 2007 15:31:08 GMT

It was a.m.
as I sloshed through slush
looking around to the sound
of snow crushed under my feet.
But it was the other sound
I heard that eventually
begged me to cease
and pick up audio bytes.

It was faint
and indistinct but I think
it was a sound I'd asked myself
a million times if anyone had
ever overheard
peep out of my mouth.

It was sad
walking up to my door
ignoring the sound
that begged the same way.
Wanting so badly to be
heard and appeased.

I disappoint the one person
I truly strive for myself.
because I should have been
a Solacer for
as many times as I'd
wished for one

Sat, 16 Dec 2006 17:25:05 GMT

On the twelfth day of Christmas, twizted317 sent to me...

Twelve pictures sewing

Eleven sprites writing

Ten demons a-being

Nine bisexuals acting

Eight visualisations a-painting

Seven bubbles a-singing

Six mirrors a-meaning

Five be-e-e-elly buttons

Four sugar highs

Three everlasting somethings

Two lost thoughts

...and a freedom in an anti-gravity.

Shit shit shit, My life has turned to shit!

Fri, 08 Dec 2006 02:26:24 GMT

So two weeks ago my roommate and I go shopping, we stop at a pizza place for food and end up picking up applications. We get both our first and second interview that same day and they say they'll call us later. She lost her job recently and I'm still at potterybarn so when I got called but she didn't I was both surprised and felt kinda bad. Well first off she hasn't really been talking to me so I don't feel bad anymore but secondly I've been trying to fit this job in with Potterybarn and going to school full time. Thus begins my story...
I started training at said pizza place and it involves an orientation, five classes on the menu and other restaraunt stuff and five shadow shifts (follow someone and see how it's done) then after your "final exam" you get what they call a "Go for it" day. This is when you take your own tables.
Problem #1: when shadowing and "go for it" day you have to use your trainers card to get into the computer. this means tonight I spent most of my time trying to find my trainer and then trying to get everything done in a timely manner.
Problem #2: Despite the fact that I have 5 years of serving experience and some of my trainers have had as little as two monthes, if you're training they think you're stupid. Tonight I got fucked over by expo twice...once on a table that had already said to me that they were unhappy and disappointed. So when their food came up and I grabbed it and the expo wench pulls it out of my hand even though she put my ticket on there I was livid...then she makes me take my pizza to someone else section and says mine will be up in a minute....SURE!
Problem #3: I asked them at the beginning of my shift if I could just take my final and not shadow someone because today was my 6th double in ten days. The answer was no, so after the drama I am near tears and my trainer says "just go home," so I clock out and don't turn around when I hear someone call my name.

I sat around waiting for half an hour for the first two interviews, I wasted 45 minutes for my third interview...I got over it. I've spent every night studying for my menu tests...and I got over it. I missed classes because they needed us to get through the training...I got over it. I requested off at PB to do stuff for CPK(aforementioned pizza place)...I got over it. I'm exhausted and hungry and I came there with skills and I'll leave with skills and I know I can be an amazing server, but when I get dicked around repeatedly by a company I cannot just brush it off.

And on another note...I still can't find anyone willing to care about me romantically.

Hurtful Words

Fri, 10 Nov 2006 04:29:55 GMT

My roommate just called me two of the things I find most hurtful because I'm not nice enough to our neighbor. I think he's nice but he creeps me out, and it's because he's older and has a crush on me and I'm just not interested.

I just don't see why that makes me a BITCH.

Or what that has to do with me being a WHORE.

20 Deep Questions Answered Honestly

Wed, 08 Nov 2006 23:01:56 GMT

1. What is more difficult for you, looking into someones eyes when you are telling them how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they are telling you how they feel?
I have a hard time looking into peoples eyes normally, idk it just feels weird to stare

2. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry?
a week or so ago...its personal

3. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE phone call. Who do you call?
depends, am i gonna die or no?

4. You are at the doctor's office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid?
id be terrified, i would probably just make sure that i spent time with everyone i loved so they could at least be at peace knowing they saw me and said bye

5. You can have one of the following two things: Love or Trust. Which do you choose? Why?
they go together, you have to have both in order for love to work, so i pick love and get both yay.

6. You are unfaithful to your spouse/significant other. Do you tell him/her? Why or Why not?
yes i would because id never put anyone through that to begin with, but if i did, id want him to know so i didnt feel guilty forever

7. Your friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more than just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you do/say?
id tell them too bad so sad lol im with the guy i want to be with and no one could get in the way.

8. Think of the last person you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give up one year of yours. Do you do it? Why or Why not
my grandpa was the last person i know who died, and he died in his sleep, i think if he had one more hour he mightve woken up and for him or my grandma to have to do that awake would be too hard

9. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?
id say i was, im extremely good at listening and problem solving

10. Does love=sex?
you dont have to have sex to have love, but it helps keep the peace lol

11. When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? Who was it? What did you have to tell the person?
i try to tell people exactly what i think, but i think it was probably jim, and id rather not talk about it to the entire world.

12. What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a boy/gi.rl friend, you love them or that you do not love them back?
ive had to tell someone i dont love them back, its rough, but id say telling someone you love them and having to deal with rejection

14. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose?
the people i love..and i think its self explanitory

15. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them? Who were they to you?
i told my mom a couple days ago

16. Imagine. it is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you?
id want jim with me

17. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? Why or Why not?
why not....?
to be honest, i probably wouldnt, i know its selfish, but what if they had something that could kill me in return, then a life is ended either way.

18. Are you old fashioned?
in some ways

19. When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for it?
i dont expect things in return usually, it would be nice, but ive learned that generally the world is a selfish place, so if i can do something nice i just do, and hope somewhere down the line when i need it, it will be there.

20. Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why?
ignorance is bliss, i think id rather never loved at all because a broken heart is hard to heal and its not something id like to experience again.

I Saw Him

Wed, 25 Oct 2006 20:52:37 GMT

I saw him today, about twelve years after his actions had marked my person for what I had no idea would be a life time. I saw him getting out of his car in front of the same house, a house that has continuously made me queezey to behold or discuss. I saw him and thought of my previous wishes to persecute him, to bludgeon him to a pulp and to tar and feather him. I saw him and wished I could use his walking stick to violate him in more ways than he had done to me. But as he hobbled around the vehicle and I realized I was creepily peeking at him from across a small hill I turned and said to myself "I'm the better for it." It is true, I am a better person for walking away to leave him as a feeble excuse for a human being, but I'm also better for the experience that although has forever tarnished my perception of men, older men, relationships, sexuality and love I am better for the knowledge that was forced upon me at his hands. And upon arriving home and finding my admission letter from the School of Education I can only be satisfied with who I have become and what I have and can accomplish despite him. It has been twelve years, and I may still be plagued by a gross understanding of how one shows affection to others, today I saw him and I can stop wondering what I would do if I had the chance. I walk away the better for it.

too tired to cut it

Fri, 20 Oct 2006 05:52:12 GMT

Create your own! Originally Written By ga_woo, Hosted and ReWritten by darkman424

T-Mobile supports Terrorism! No Joke!

Wed, 11 Oct 2006 22:05:15 GMT

I've had a phone stalker for over a year and a half and T-mobile as well as Milwaukee Police are completely uncooperative in helping me stop this phone terrorist. I filed a police report in March, I've spent over 6 hours on the phone with customer service and everyone says it's my problem. For the last 6 years I've paid 50 dollars a month and this is the service they give to their customers.

If you don't want to get dicked around by your phone company don't use T-mobile.

Activities and Crafties

Wed, 11 Oct 2006 05:52:49 GMT

Several things:

ONE - who wants to see Gregory and the Hawk with me on the 28th. It's in Riverwest and I have a feeling will be inexpensive but I MUST go.

TWO - Meg and I are talking about doing some clothes stuff. First task is my halloween costume. Second a PBR Baseball halter top. And finally a green toile skirt. I might need more motivation, so days that I'm not working with Meg (as well as those that I am) are open to other folks.

THREE - I'm going to be starting a few large projects that are basically my future pieces of furniture. My first two pieces are going to be dressers. I have the concept but I don't have the skills. I need YOU... yes you...to come up with creatures for my furniture that either I can copy onto the piece myself or you'd be willing to come paint onto it. I'm willing to feed and intoxicate anyone participating. I'll give more details to those that are interested.

Also my roommate has decided to do a vegan thanksgiving at our house for those folks who aren't doing the family thing. You can come. Call me for more info.

4142439441 (THIS NUMBER HAS BEEN CHANGED! IT IS NO LONGER VALID!)

Testing Testing

Tue, 10 Oct 2006 03:35:33 GMT

Anyone reading this? Is this a dead frequency?

WWWWHow can I?

Fri, 29 Sep 2006 00:39:29 GMT

I've been thinking
not too much but I have
and I was wondering
not too long but a bit
how difficult it would be
to love me

So I was trying
not too often but a lot
and I was finding it
not too easy but hard
when I still disappoint me for
not believing in love

And so there was a place
and the when had happened
and the who had left
but the why I'd avoided
and the how just hurt

An Update

Thu, 31 Aug 2006 16:42:06 GMT

So it's almost a completely new semester and I haven't written anything in here all summer. Here's the scoop. I got a job with the Milwaukee County Park System, quit Vivo, limited my hours at Potterybarn and have been having alittle too much fun all summer. I've met cute Marquette boys, a nice but very naive 26 year old carpenter. I was in a rockin play called "No Pun In 10 Did" and another that didn't see it's self produced on stage quite yet called "The Record." I made a shit ton of friends doing so and have since been able to occupy almost every day that I desire to occupy myself with something awesomely fun.

But don't be fooled, just because everyday is a party and things aren't as shabby as they were back in January doesn't mean I don't have plenty of shit to think about still. I'm a senior in school this year and I won't be graduating. I still have another year at least. This sucks more balls than your mom, believe me! I'm also living with Mike and Diana but in a different house and with Diana's brother Jake. This isn't the apartment I had intended on being in oh say last summer. But after spending another 10 hours moving dirt at the building my blisters and Chris say the place should really get going soon. I fuckin hope so.

Also there are alot of people that I haven't seen this summer that I could use a major dose of...for instance Brooke, who came into town the day I was moving dirt and I didn't see her or Klub Korpse which is a huge disappointment on my part. And Deck Nicole who I am sure is still around and still lookin fly as ever but I don't ever really see her much. And with that I am pleased that school starts soon and now I live even closer to Fuel although I don't know what I'm gonna do without Kristin this semester.

Hope everyone is doing well, hit me up for the hang out (414-243-9441) and don't forget that even though I'm a stupid bitch I still love you.

Sun, 21 May 2006 03:48:50 GMT

create your own visited countries map
or vertaling Duits Nederlands

create your own visited states map

I need strong help.

Sat, 20 May 2006 00:23:34 GMT

Hey everyone

I'm 21 now and loving it. Thought that now that I'm not just a bundle of pent up stuff I could say hello to everyone with a smile. I was also hoping some of you would like to hang out and help me not be homeless by coming over and working on my future apartment. In the morning preferably but any time is appreciated. Free lunch and Free beer. Let me know you're interested by leaving a comment or calling me at 414-243-9441. Thanks

Arielle

Feeling Better

Tue, 25 Apr 2006 22:26:17 GMT

After sitting around doing homework all day yesterday my roommate came home and said "I think I have a solution for your orgasm problem" and I said "I need to find someone to have sex with before I can worry about solving 'my orgasm problem'" and apparently I need to find someone that is symmetrical. Whatever.
I've kinda become asexual lately. I've had plenty of people approach me and I rather avoid them at all costs. This is weird. I'm not calling people that I showed interest in, I'm not talking to people I don't have interest in and I'm not really looking. Boys aren't honest or fun or worth the effort. I'm just kinda wingin it and the days that I feel like shit (see previous post) are becoming fewer and fewer, but they're still Intense.
But yeah, I'm better.

I am sad

Tue, 18 Apr 2006 06:04:23 GMT

Tonight we talked about masturbation. and boys masturbate to porn but I use my mind. Jake thought that was nice, but I said it wasn't. because it's hard to get over someone when you masturbate to the thought of that person. he said that means I love them. and I can't argue with that. I've dismissed people that are interested in me because they aren't like him and I've only been interested in guys I knew aren't interested in me or aren't available because I knew nothing would come of it. and I don't think I'll find someone that I get along with as well as I got along with him. even though I keep telling myself it was all a lie anyways and that she was probably around the entire time. but it just hurts.

i'm gonna fail that class because I don't care enough about nabokov and his stupid use of himself as a narrator and I haven't even looked at the other assignment and I don't want to because it's too hard to care about reading an assignment when you just want to cry.

it's too hard to pretend that i'm hard, to not cry at concerts to songs that make me cry, to give advice to people when i don't even know what I'm doing and I'm tired but i'm wide awake and (dreaming) drowning.

the sunglasses and cat hood can't hide the sad written on my face but i swear this is the one thing i'm trying really hard to do.

ps starting june i'll be living in my car until my new apartment is ready. which will severely affect my posting ability.

This Weekend....something to remember

Sun, 09 Apr 2006 17:27:57 GMT

So this weekend started out on Friday, I worked at Vivo until 12:00am, I had two tables and got $145 in tips. Sweet! Then I went out for Ryan Lawrence's going away party, as of Saturday Ryan is spending his time in Iraq. At Ryan's the ceiling begins to fall in and the hard liquor is gone so they move the party the RC's. I barely miss seeing Justin and get nicely shit faced. Then I get into a fist fight because some dick head said my friend looked pregnant. ANYHOW. I slept at Amy's and woke up at noon on Saturday...but noon is when I was supposed to be at Trocadero with Stef. So I get Amy off her ass and we go to Trocadero, still alittle drunk from the night before and on less than 5 hours of sleep. Stef is too fuckin awesome for words, we spend the entire day there and I take Amy home at 4 but come back for lunch and was there until 6:30. PS. I'm in love with Chad the bartender. Then I go home take a wicked needed nap and wake up at 10pm...but 10pm is when Brooke said she'd be suspending. So I get myself together and head down to Heart Breakers...the strip club in stAllis. Not as many fine bitches as I'd have liked, the food was decent and the bands weren't horrible, but the suspension show was awesome. Brooke is one of the sexiest people I know and I really hope things workout for her, I'm tired of seeing her getting stomped on. Happiness should not be a mountain to climb. Now I'm home, just woke up and I'm gonna go to Fuel and study.

A little update

Thu, 16 Mar 2006 04:41:14 GMT

So I haven't written much about this if any at all but I've had a cell phone stalker for a while now. He/They call and said rude things or make gross noises. I've gotten into the habit of just hanging up in hopes that he/they would get bored but to no avail. So I went and filed a police report yesterday and I talked to my cell phone company today. It might take awhile but since it's been almost an entire year I think a few months will be painless. Plus it'll be interesting to see who is doing this.

In even better news, about two weeks from now we will be getting two adorable kittens, a girl and a boy. We're stuck between a few different names...let me know what you think:
BeBop and Rock Steady (from TMNT) or Darwin and Pangia?

And spring break is this coming week and Shelly's coming into town. Although I do have a lot of work to do for a class.

Massive Suckage - Don't Read This (it's boring)

Sun, 12 Mar 2006 17:54:41 GMT

So last night started out pretty well, I went to Fuel to work on homework when Andy Ilya and Darin showed up to play sheepshead. After a while we went to Darin's, smoked and hung out until Sarah, Darin's girlfriend in Minnesota, showed up. This is where things got ackward. So all of us go to Joe's and after sitting around Joe's and smoking more we went for food. After food we sat around and I decided it was midnight and I needed to do something. I took Darin and Sarah home and called Amy. Amy was no longer at Mark Miller's she was at Rascal's with Sara, home from Madison. Well Amy knows I won't go to Rascal's so I meet them at Yield and Sara is wasted and Amy is pissed off. All Sara can talk about is how Amy called her a tease and she's not one, and all Amy could talk about was how crappy of a boyfriend her new boyfriend is. To top the night off Sara goes to the bathroom to puke and when we go to check up on her she tells me she's taking diet pills and didn't eat anything "will that make you sicker?" Ummm YEAH. I drove Sara all the way back to her parent's house on 49th because she didn't want to stay at Amy's and then I had to listen to Amy complain the whole ride home which sucked but was helpful because I was falling asleep.
This morning I woke up to Mike and Diana arguing about what they were gonna do today. Mike has an exam and Diana has two but she wants to do stuff with her family and he doesn't want to and she keeps giving him shit about how things that he wants to do are stupid and he's going to fail at them before he's even started, which has him in a pretty shitty mood but also mad that she wouldn't support his choices. The honest to god truth is that they both need to rediscover their friends because the only people they hang out with are their families and eachother. And while I know Diana is trying to make up for lost time in school I'd rather only take 12 credits versus 15 because she's a raving lunatic right now and that's with the drugs that she's trying to get off of because they affect her libido. All these motherfuckers are CRAZY. And with that I drink my Milwaukee Beast and smoke, life's too short to care enough to waste a morning arguing.

Wow

Sun, 05 Mar 2006 19:48:42 GMT

So I woke up and had a most excellent romp with BOB in the sack. Anyways. I have a few dressers, some side tables, lots of things that need to be constructed, fixed, painted, tiled, lacquered, etc. for the new place...when and if it's ever ready for me to move in. But for now the stuff just sits in waiting. So I'm proposing, and I'd like feedback, a crafty day. Maybe an afternoon into the night type of deal with food and beverage, that would allow people to come over and help me construct beautiful pieces of furniture art. The only problem I see so far is that people would come over and do artsy stuff but they can't take it home...because it's my furniture. I do however see great things coming from the many creative minds that could be involved. Let me know.

Another note: Went to Michael's, hit their clearance and got a bunch of awesome stencils and then hit Joann Fabrics and got tulle for a skirt and stuff for a hand bag. Joann's is going out of business and so the whole lot cost me about 6 dollars. Amen. Now all I need to do it get crackin on this jewelry casting, make the things I now have supplies for and enjoy myself thoroughly. My mom's boyfriend, Chris, suggests that I finish up this teaching degree but skip the classrooms, go into jewelry and crafties all together. He sees me helping my mom with her design company as well as doing independent projects...perhaps sell things through Fasten? or Paperboat? Or depending on how long it takes me to get this all together maybe open my own shop once the warehouse is fully operational. I see several different apprenticeships in my future and they all make me moist.

Final side note: I'd like to thank some of my newly reacquainted friends. Although I've technically known you lot for 6 years or more I hadn't spent much time in your company and I must say that I enjoy all of you. The past few weeks have been the most chill, the most intoxicating, and tonight will pass ranks. But yeah, Thank you.

Like it said on the Naked bottles: Shake Well. Separation is Natural. Amen.

P.S. - All I need now to become the powerhouse I know I can be is to become either a model or be in a band. If any of you feel like helping me in this quest please please do.

sabotage

Thu, 02 Mar 2006 10:09:06 GMT

I've gotten very good at sabotage, I now shoot myself in the foot before even taking a step. It kinda hurts. Everytime I say I'm awesome I can think of 3 reasons I'm not, everytime I say I'll be happy I can think of 4 reasons I'm not, everytime I pretend as hard as I can to ignore it or convince myself the harder, faster, stronger it hits me that there is no escaping the most empty feeling. The glass completely empty feeling. The last girl on earth and still not good enough feeling. It really just makes me want to make fun of myself for being emo and dumb. But it sucks that I feel like I can be fine without him but it hurts that I don't think I can find anyone else I'll be that comfortable with. Especially now that I don't even feel comfortable in myself. I'm ruined.

Lately without burning bridges

Mon, 27 Feb 2006 09:13:19 GMT

So I haven't written in here much because I kinda feel like no matter what I write I'm going to be judged by people for what I write and although this became for a good long time the one place I could efficiently write my thoughts, it has become apparent that it's not private and while the option to make it so is there, I like the freedom and liberation of knowing that I'm getting something off my chest to something, that it's going somewhere, that it's being related to by other people's lives. While all that sounds nice and dandy I just don't feel comfortable yet, writing the things that I actually want to.

HAHAHA

Fri, 10 Feb 2006 20:38:12 GMT

For all the men who say "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"

Here's a little update for you . . . .

Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage! Why?

Because women realize it's not worth buying the entire pig just to get a little sausage.